My boys

I have noticed lately that while talking with friends the conversation inevitably lends itself to me sharing my potty training woes or my sleepless nights with a baby woes.

Afterwards, I feel guilty.

I love my little accident prone 3 1/2 year old and my sleep-through-the-night-when-I-want-to 8 month old.  Today, I need to remember that this is just a season.  I want to focus NOT on what they do or don't do, but on who they are.  

Caleb

Handsome

Funny (I don't often get his jokes, but he just thinks he is hilarious)

Loves being dirty or wet

Yells "Look at that HUGE tree trunk," over and over when driving down Hazel St. in River Falls (makes me crack up)

Ticklish

A kind and thoughtful big brother

Big blue eyes

Loves to play board games

Loves to play hide and seek and count to 10

Starts the alphabet with A, B, C, E every time and insists that there is no D

Whispers intensely when he is being playful

Screams "WHAT!?!?" when he's being silly.  (As if to say, "What? Who me? No Way"

Hides from Dad almost every day when I say "Daddy's home!"

Loves the "libwrary"

Thinks he's Super Why 

He's got some amazing eyelashes

Will talk about his birthday party (which was 7 months ago) every time we make a cake, see a cake, talk about a cake.  He'll say, "Queen cake?  Candles?  Basketball."  I guess his 3rd birthday party with the McQueen (Cars) cake, with 3 candles in it at the local gymnasium has left quite an impression.

Said "Delicious" in perfect pronunciation the other night at dinner.

Says emphatically "Come on Mom" and waves his hands for me to follow him whenever he really wants me to see something that he thinks is interesting

He gives the best hugs and kisses

He's a great helper in the kitchen - whether with the dishes or if we're baking a cake

He's ours - a combination of Tim and I, chosen for us by God

Benjamin

Handsome

Giggly

Wakes up most every morning happy and on his knees ready to go

Learning how to crawl

Amazed at the marvel of his hands

Loves being outside and would roll around and eat the grass if I let him

Snuggles right into my neck when he's tired or just ready to be picked up

His adorable birth mark on his left knee

Big blue eyes

Could watch and observe his older brother all day

Loves to EAT!  Can't feed him fast enough

Long and lean and oh so cute

He's got a bit of a natural faux hawk (not that he has much hair), but the fuzz in the middle is longer

He looks at me with love in his eyes

He's pretty easy going - goes with the flow

He's got a little itty bitty dimple on the right side of his smile that I didn't even notice until someone pointed it out to me.  

He's ours - a combination of Tim and I, chosen for us by God

What is it about us that God loves?  

Is is my obedience?  My perfection?  My ability to do things for Him?

No, God loves me because I am His and he made me.  I love my boys because they are mine.  It's so fun to write out all the ways they bring me joy and delight, just because of who they are, not for what they do.  Thank you, Lord, for Caleb and Benjamin!

Sitting with my cup of coffee...

Who I want to be and who I am don't match up.  At least that's how I feel.

I want to be a woman, who is disciplined in exercise and diet, who knows how to cook (really cook), who gets up at the same time every day for time alone with God and who goes to bed at an hour that will allow my morning goal to be a reality, who gardens and sews and decorates like the magazines, who dresses well, who has all the paperwork in the house perfectly filed and understands all of the paperwork that comes through the mail (i.e. health benefits), who spends a well-balanced time on the computer, in front of the tv, on the phone, on the iPad without neglecting my time to be with God, His Word and in prayer every day.

I want to be a wife who loves and respects my husband well, who writes encouraging notes, who makes him yummy lunches, who makes home-made delicious dinners every night, who prays diligently for him throughout the day, and who honors him with my time, my ear, my heart when he is home.

I want to be a wife and mom who goes above and beyond for my family, who is always finding ways to treat them to fun days out, who is able to make just the right dinner to please everyone (while still being healthy), who is able to encourage and build up my husband and kids in just the way that they need.

I want to be a mom who plays patiently with my kids whether it's molding play-dough, racing cars, building castles and shooting hoops, bike riding, coloring or painting.  I want to be a mom who teaches my kids basic things like letters, numbers, how to be polite, and how to write their names.  I want to be a mom who teaches extraordinary things like who God is and instill in them a desire to know and love Him through His story, and how to be respectful of others, how to serve others, and how to love our friends and our "enemies."

I want to be a friend who remembers birthdays and gives just the right gift, who knows when to talk and when to listen, and who serves others more than seeks to be served.

Ugh...   Really?  Is this beneficial to dwell on?  All of these things are who I think I want to be, but, what I really want is to do all of these things so that my family, friends and God will love me and boast about me.  I need to stop and remember TRUTH.  The truth about who I am.  Last spring I read the book, "Victory Over the Darkness."  What a blessing to be reminded in those pages of my identity in Christ.

Being a Christian is not just a matter of getting something; it's a matter of being someone.  A Christian is not simply a person who gets forgiveness, who gets to go to heaven, who gets the Holy Spirit, who gets a new nature.  A Christian, in terms of our deepest identity, is a saint, a spiritually born child of God, a divine masterpiece, a child of light, a citizen of heaven.  Being born again transformed you into someone who didn't exist before.  What you receive as a Christian isn't the point; its who you are.  It's not what you do as a Christian that determines who you are; it's who you are that determines what you do.
{2 Corinthians 5:17; Ephesians 2:10; 1 Peter 2:9,10; 1 John 3:1.2}

When all of my wanting to "DO" becomes my identity, I become discouraged and defeated.  I forget that it is not what I do that matters to God.  God sees me as I am in Christ.  I belong to Him.  He sees me and He loves me.  All the things I want to be (and do) are good and decent things to desire and seek after, but when they begin to mar my identity in Christ they are not beneficial for me to dwell on.

In Christ I am a saint, saved by grace, with the Holy Spirit dwelling in me.   When I believe this - who I am and who I want to be, match up.  I want to be loved.  In Christ, it's not for what I do and how well I do it, but I am loved because Christ is in me.  Getting up early to spend time with Him is not a chore, but an opportunity for worship and showing gratitude for His mercy and goodness towards me.

Whew!  So, it's okay for me to sit with a cup of coffee and unwind during the day without fretting about all the missed opportunities to be perfectly loving and perfectly perfect?  Yes!

In Christ, I am united to the Lord and am one spirit with Him.
1 Corinthians 6:17